either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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