No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
