what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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