my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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