My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
