people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
