So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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