Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
