I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
