I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's blow job season.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
