Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
