barbara walters just said penis...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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