Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
