I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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