I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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