she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i think my cat just said my name.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
