ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
