mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
