This is not my ceiling
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
