we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
