Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
