my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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