When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
