sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Randomize
