My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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