I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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