girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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