you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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