How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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