I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
