I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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