oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
