therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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