everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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