I puked a lego.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
