you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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