I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
