Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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