I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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