JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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