I'm going to jail i love you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
