I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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