Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
