Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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