where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize