After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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