Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A bitchslap is in order.
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