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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
