Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
