every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
