So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
