we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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