dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
