I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
