Christians are straight up FREAKS
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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