you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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