She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
