Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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