I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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