dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
