i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
