I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this boner is exhausting
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
