Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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