my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
God, I missed his penis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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