yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
