He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
