i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize